Restless

I don't know what's going on with me lately, but I feel restless. Maybe it's my upcoming high school reunion (20 YEARS! My god!!) or maybe it's getting closer to 40 than I am to 30...whatever it is, I can feel it building up inside me, a little bit more everyday...

I think it all started this summer up at family camp. Looking around at all the counselors, watching them do their jobs and remembering what it was like to be in their shoes like it was yesterday. Except it WASN'T yesterday. It was FIFTEEN years ago now, and even though I feel like I'm still the same age as them, I'm probably just another soccer mom on vacation to them. That realization hit me hard. I'm not young and care free anymore with my whole life in front of me - and when the hell did that happen?

Then I went on this hike by myself, without Hoby or the kids, and this counselor hung out talking to me so NORMALLY - as if I wasn't a Cooper's mom or Rory's mom or Hoby's wife or Jo's daughter, but just me. ME! And god, it felt so refreshing! I hadn't felt like MYSELF in so damn long I'd forgotten what I was like underneath all those other parts I have to play!  And ever since that hike, and that feeling of finding myself again, I haven't been the same...

Since coming home from that week at camp,  my job as wife and mother has felt, well, harder. I feel like I've been trying to put on someone else's clothes that don't quite fit. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE my boys, I do.  I'm guess im just feeling restless, now that I had a two second taste of another life...

Resurfacing

It has been SO LONG.

My life fell apart in 2009. Watching my dad die of pancreatic cancer that year - slowly and painfully - shattered me in a way that I've never completely recovered from. Our family lost it's anchor, and each one of us became lost at sea...for a year, for several years, and some of us still haven't found our way back to the shore.

It's been four years now.  I've tried to put the pieces back together, but they don't fit like they used to. People say that the pain of losing someone goes away in time, but I disagree. It doesn't EVER go away - it just spreads out. Instead of feeling that empty space in your heart trying to swallow you whole every day, it starts to only show up every other day, then once a week, then only now and then. But it still HURTS. That person is STILL gone. And it still SUCKS.

I haven't been able to write since he died. I don't know why - but the words just wouldn't come. I used  to think I wanted to write a book someday - but that dream somehow died with my dad. I had hoped when my second son, Cooper, was born in 2010, I would be able to restart this blog for him... But each time I sat at the computer, my thoughts froze. (I'm sorry, Coop, that I wasn't able to record your first four years like I did for your brother.)

But now, somehow, here I am again.

Hello again, World. I think I'm back.

Obviously I haven't had a whole lot of time to blog lately - and honestly, I haven't really had the inclination to write witty things about what's going on in our lives when things are anything but witty. However, sometimes there are things that I just HAVE to pass on because it would be a crime not to...

This is Rory's latest passion - pretending to be "Ro Ro, the Superhero". My brother was the EXACT SAME WAY when he was a kid (Jer ran around with a cape for several years and even tried to "throw" our dog across the room once with his "superhuman strength". Sorry Jer, I just couldn't resist!), so for me, this is sort of like one big hysterical flashback. We have always said that Rory was a "mini-Jer" in the making, now here's the proof:


The following video shows the launch of the bottle rocket that Hoby and Rory made over the weekend using 2 liter soda bottles, a bike pump, and of course, some duct tape! Hoby and I were pretty skeptical that this was actually going to fly, but as you can see from the video, we were proven wrong - and the whole neighborhood got in on the act!

A White Mariposa Christmas

Okay, so I'm writing about Christmas in January, but better late than never, right? We had an absolutely amazing trip up to Mariposa, which is a rural little town near Yosemite where my in-laws live. We always go up there to spend Christmas with my husband's family, which is hands down one of Rory's favorite times of the year. Sure he loves that this trip includes tons of Christmas presents (check out the loot he scored below):




but more importantly, he gets to hang out with his two cousins, run around in the woods with a BB gun and eat an endless supply of sugar supplied by his Grandma Judy. Basically, little boy Nirvana. But as awesome as this sounds, something happened this year that made it more awesome - it SNOWED!

Here is a picture of Rory and his cousin Marin outside when the first snowflakes began to fall. Rory had seen snow on the ground once before, but he had never seen it actually coming down. He was in total awe - he kept saying, "I didn't know that snow came from the SKY!"



It didn't take long before it REALLY began to come down, and then it started sticking to the ground. It was freezing out, but Rory refused to come inside, he didn't want to miss a thing!







After a full day and night of snow, we were invited to go to the next town over for some sledding. Now when I was growing up, the good sledding hills were always packed with people. But the bonus of being in the middle of nowhere is that we had this beautiful valley all to ourselves!



Here's Rory on one of his first rides down the hill:



And of course we had to build a snow man!



Needless to say, we were in winter heaven!



As you can probably tell from the pictures, this Christmas was the best we've had yet. What better way to spend the holiday than having fun with family and friends in the snow?! Rory is already counting down the days until next Christmas - I just hope that Grandma Judy and Papa Stan can make it snow again next year!

The Training Wheels Come Off

Today, Hoby got Rory's bike out and realized that Rory had grown so much since summer time (almost TWO WHOLE INCHES!! Yikes!) that he needed to raise the bike seat as far as it could go. "He's almost outgrown his birthday bike already," Hoby said shaking his head "and we haven't even taken the training wheels off yet." We both sort of looked at each other and so I said, "What the heck? Why not try taking them off now?"

So out came the tools - which of course instantly got Rory excited (he's such a BOY!) - and before we knew it, he was ready to jump on and give it shot.





I thought for sure that this would be an all day affair. The two of us would probably be running up and down the street behind Rory's bike for hours, right? I held my breath, preparing myself for what was sure to be some major wipe outs, and hoped I was stocked up on my Superman band-aids. Then before I knew it, they were off!

The first try looked a little something like this:


Okay, not too bad for his first attempt! I was impressed... and I couldn't help saying a quick prayer of thanks that my kid is obviously much more coordinated than I am. Then after a few more tries, he did this:



HOLY COW! Did he just DO that?! ALREADY?!

And just like that, he was off and riding on his own:



Not only are we positively BURSTING with parental pride, but Rory is obviously so totally proud of himself. He has the most amazing smile on his face... his BIG BOY FACE. I don't know exactly when it happened, but suddenly it's very clear that my baby is not a baby anymore... and it kind of takes my breath away.

Way to go, kiddo - we're SO proud of you!

"Police Navidad"

Rory had his preschool Holiday Concert this past Wednesday night, and although we video taped it (like every other parent there!), the video didn't turn very well and you couldn't really hear Rory singing. And since I've had the distinct pleasure of listening to him practice over and over for the past couple of weeks, I didn't think it would be fair if you couldn't experience it as well. (I know, I know, I'm just TOO kind!) So, here he is, singing his little heart out (in Spanglish, no less!):

Learning the Fine Art of Total Embarassment

A few weeks ago, Rory and I are at church looking for Hoby. Rory is running around going, "Daddy? Daddy? Where are you?!". Finally, a man turns around and points to some guy with a mustache and says, "Hey there, little guy - is THAT your daddy?" So Rory says very matter of factly, "Nope, my daddy doesn't have a mustache... but my mommy does! She shaves hers off though." I thought I would DIE from embarassment! And as if that wasn't bad enough, I now get to see that guy EVERY FREAKIN' SUNDAY.

Thanks alot, Ro.