It's a Small World...

Back when I was working at the Mother of All Coffee Houses, I was taking a girl's order and asked for her name. She said it was Marin, which happens to be my niece's name as well. So I said conversationally, "You know, Marin is a name you don't hear very often, but I have a Marin in my family. And the funny thing is, her name is Marin Pearce and there is actually another Marin Pearce that lives in Ventura, the same town as her. Crazy, eh?" The girl gets this really weird look on her face and she says, "Are you kidding?! That's my name! I'm the other Marin Pearce in Ventura!"

Now what are the chances of that?

The End of an Era

Today was my last day at the Mother of All Coffee Houses. This day had such huge significance for me, and yet, to everyone else getting coffee, it was just another average day. Definitely a weird feeling. But everytime I would start to get a twinge of regret of leaving, an obnoxious customer would come in, almost as if on cue, and I'd mentally pat myself on the back and think, thank God I won't have to deal with this CRAP anymore!

- I had a woman practically throw a TANTRUM because we didn't put the sleeve on her cup for her - she actually demanded that her drink be free because of it!

- A man THREW his wadded up cash at me while talking on his cell phone, and then proceeded to hold up the line because he hadn't paid me enough and I couldn't get his attention.

- And my very LAST customer was a guy who accused me of trying to rob him because he thought he gave me a twenty but actually gave me a ten. He didn't believe me so he kept demanding his change. What a pain in the ass!

But then my darling husband showed up with flowers, and after I clocked out for the last time, he swept me off to dinner to celebrate the end of an era.

And the beginning of a new one.

Let the Countdown Begin...

For those of you who might not know, this will be my last week at The Mother of All Coffee Houses. Since I'm still making less than ten dollars an hour, even after almost three years (THREE YEARS!) and Hoby will now have health benefits with his job, it just didn't seem logical for me to stay any longer.

People keep asking me if I'm going to miss working there, and most of the time, the answer is yes. But just when I begin to second guess my decision to leave, something like THIS happens:

- a lady actually demands that I remake her latte because her name is spelled wrong on her cup.

- a man comes and takes his tip back from the tip jar because we didn't put the sleeve on his cup for him (even though they are right there on the counter for people to put on themselves...)

- while I am sweeping the crumbs off the floor, a woman says to me, "Take your broom somewhere else. Not only are you being rude, but you are bothering my allergies!" and because I only have one more week to go I actually tell her, "Only if you say PLEASE."

Hmmm, will I miss it???

Top Five Things That Annoy Your Coffee Barista: Part 3

Once again, back by popular demand:

5) Customers who finally get to the register after being in line for awhile and then don't know what to order. You just waited in line for ten minutes, what the heck were you doing all that time? And then some of you actually have the nerve to complain about how slow the line is moving. Hmmm, wonder why?

4) People who spill their drinks in the lobby and then don't tell anyone about it. People, this is a major safety hazard - we could get our asses sued if someone slipped on that mess. It's not like we're asking YOU to clean it up, we're just asking you to TELL us that it happened so we can take care of it. It's called common decency. Maybe you've heard of it? Actually, maybe you haven't...

3) Regulars who are rude to our baristas in training. Yes, I know that you are used to having your drink waiting for you before you even order it, but we've all gotta learn sometime. Have a little patience! Trust me, being an ass to our newbies isn't going to earn you points with anyone behind the counter, and it may actually end up earning you DECAF without you knowing it. So BE NICE!

2) Customers who complain when we run out of something. Yes, it sucks when you've had your heart set on your favorite drink and we've run out of white mocha (or vanilla or sugar free hazelnut - whatever, you get the idea). But take a second before you lash out at the person behind the register and realize that we are JUST THE MESSANGER. We didn't purposely run into the back when we saw you coming and chug down the last bottle of your favorite syrup just to spite you. We simply ran out. We have at least TWENTY other flavors for you to choose from - and remember, it's JUST COFFEE. It's not the end of the world.

And the number one thing that is annoying your neighborhood barista these days...

1) Yup , it's that damn cell phone problem again, but with a different twist. People actually get to register, but instead of ordering, they tell me to wait a minute and then use their cell phone to call and get their friends' drink orders. Out of respect for your fellow customer waiting behind you, don't come up to the register if you don't know what you're going to order. And for God's sake, people, for the last time - hang up your phone!

Yeah, it's just been one of those weeks...

(For more of my ranting and raving, my previous top five lists can be found here and here.)

Don't Let The Lingo Get You Down

So I'm taking this guy's order at the Mother of All Coffee Houses and he asks for a double espresso. "Okay," I say, "one doppio coming up." I look up from writing his order on his cup and I see this strange look of anger on his face.

HIM: What did you just call me?
ME (horrified!): Oh no, sir! That's what we call a double espresso. A doppio.
HIM: A dope?
ME: No, A DOPPIO... you know, it's Italian.
HIM: Whatever.

Ugh, what a DOPPIO!

My Latest Brush With Stupidity...

I'm taking a woman's drink order yesterday and I ask her what size drink she'd like. "Hmmm. I don't want a small one," she says,"What other sizes do you have?" So I hold up our other two cup sizes for her to see and I say, "Medium or large?" She looks at me and says, "Well, which one's bigger?"

On the same day, while I'm working at the bar, I get a drink order for one black iced tea and one green iced tea. So I make the drinks (which are in clear plastic cups), call the guy's name, and then set the drinks on the counter for him to pick up. He walks over, looks at the drinks and asks, "Which one is the black tea?" Ummm, THE BLACK ONE.

Are people really this dumb?

Top Five Things That Annoy Your Coffee Barista: Part 2

Back by popular demand...

1) People who spend ten minutes holding up my line complaining to me that Starbucks doesn't offer enough low calorie items for people who are watching their weight, and then they finally go on to order a venti caramel mocha Frappuccino with whipped cream and extra chocolate and caramel drizzle both on top and in the cup. I'm getting a sugar headache just thinking about it.

2) Fellow Starbucks employees who come into the store on their time off and order the most obnoxious, time-consuming beverages they can think of, especially when it's BUSY. One girl actually asked specifically for ten ice cubes in her drink, and when I handed it to her, she asked, "Did you count them?" I looked her straight in the eye while trying to keep up with a rush of drink orders and said, "NOPE. Have a nice day!" You Starbucks people know what it's like behind the counter - give your fellow partners a friggin' break and save the complicated drink orders for when you are on shift and can make them your damn self.

3) People who leave their trash on the tables. There are garbage cans EVERYWHERE - not to mention the ones right next to the doors on your way out. There is NO excuse for leaving your garbage laying around and it's insulting to those of us who have to pick it up. Do you really have so little respect for people in the food service industry? What you people need is to walk a day in our shoes...

4) People who bring their little dogs into our store. I hate to break it to you folks, but they are DOGS, not people, no matter how many cute tiny sweaters you may dress them in. Dogs have FUR, and fur SHEDS. Enough said. So don't give me grief when I tell you that we don't allow dogs in the store - because I, like most people, prefer my lattes fur-less.

and last but not least...

5) I thought that people just talking on their cell phones while ordering was bad, but I've actually found something that's WORSE - people who ANSWER their cell phone while ordering! Let's face it, in this age of technology, we ALL have voice mail. Is it going to kill you to let the phone ring for a second while you finish ordering so we can get to the next person in line? As as I've said before, just HANG UP YOUR DAMN PHONES people!

Sighhh. Yeah, it's just been one of those weeks...

Yes, You ARE at Starbucks

Yesterday, this woman came into Starbucks with the kind of attitude where she thinks that people who work behind counters are obviously beneath her and she orders a Caramel Ice Blended. Okay, at Starbucks we call them Caramel Frappucinos (Ice Blendeds are a Coffee Bean thing) but no biggie, we baristas are used to this. So I called out "Caramel Frappucino" to the person making the drinks, which caused the following ridiculous conversation to take place between me and the Lady with a 'Tude:

Her: Excuse me, but I ordered a CARAMEL ICE BLENDED. I don't know what you just said, but that's not what I ordered.

Me: Yes, I know you want a Caramel Ice Blended. But we call them Caramel Frappucinos here.

She just glares at me and hands me her card. Her COFFEE BEAN card.

Me: Um, sorry, but I think you gave me the wrong card.

Her: So? It's for Coffee Bean. Same thing.

Me: Actually, it's not. Coffee Bean is our competitor.

Her: So you won't take it.

Me: Uh, NO.

Her: How ridiculous! I'm taking my business elsewhere!

ME: Super! Coffee Bean is just down the street...

Okay, so I didn't actually say that last line, but it sure was tempting.

Why are people who drink coffee such idiots?

One Big Caffeine Headache

The Mother of All Coffee Houses can really suck the big one sometimes.

Recently, they put a new policy into place that required the work schedule to be posted at least two weeks in advance, which was major progress considering that I had previously been getting only a few days notice and it was becoming unbelievably difficult to plan ahead for ANYTHING. And this short notice wasn't just a problem for me - it also affected my husband and my mother, who watch Rory when I'm at work. None of us could have a LIFE. So, when I got my schedule for the next THREE WEEKS, I was thrilled. I passed the information on, and all of us were able to make appointments, and actually make plans in advance for a change. How refreshing.

Yesterday, however, I happened to notice that the schedule posted for this week looked slightly different from the one I had at home, and I was told that yes, some changes had been made. Was anyone planning on telling us that? Good thing I happened to look at the schedule! I orginally was supposed to work on Monday from 6pm-10:30pm, and it had been changed to 4:30pm-8:30pm instead. Not a huge deal, thankfully, since Hoby was available to watch Rory either way. But shame on them for changing the schedule and not telling anyone!

Well, tonight I received a phone call at 8pm telling me that the schedule had been re-done AGAIN this afternoon, and I was now required to come in tomorrow morning 7:15am -1:45pm. SAY WHAT? That's less than a twelve hour notice! So I told them that I couldn't work that shift because I had no one to watch Rory. And guess what they told me? That it was my responsibility to find someone to cover the shift! My answer to that was ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! You can't go and change the schedule at the last minute and then expect me to drop everything and accomodate you. I have a son to take care of. I have A LIFE OUTSIDE WORK. And so I told them that I would NOT be there in the morning, and they would just have to deal with it. I'd be happy to come in during the evening shift like the past TWO schedule revisions had me down for, but that was the best I could do.

Who the heck do they think they are anyway?

Strange Customers I've Seen In the Last 24 Hours

1. A lady who kept holding a napkin in front of her mouth whenever she spoke to me. Her explaination? She said that she had just come from the dentist. HUH???? Perhaps her teeth are so white now that she's afraid she'll blind me...

2. A man came in and ordered 2 tall regular coffees. I told him it cost $3, so he gave me his credit card, which I proceeded to charge. He then went on his merry way. About ten minutes later, the same man comes back looking pissed and says, "Why did you charge $3 to my credit card?" and I'm like, "Well, because you gave it to me to charge." And he says, "But I wanted to pay cash! Why did you charge my card?!" And again I say, " Well, sir, you GAVE ME YOU'RE CREDIT CARD TO CHARGE. You didn't give me cash. But I'll be happy to refund your card and you can pay in cash instead." But the man kept huffing and puffing about the fact that I had charged his card without his permission even though HE HAD HANDED ME HIS CARD TO CHARGE. What did he think I had done, gone into his wallet without his knowledge and grabbed his credit card? Yup - I'm such a fabulous pick-pocket that I can actually steal your credit card from BEHIND A REGISTER, ACROSS A COUNTER with ten other customers looking on. I'm just THAT GOOD.

3. These two older ladies come in who were probably in their late 60's or so. They are giggling like little girls, and when they came up to the counter, they could barely order because they were laughing so hard. When one of the ladies leaned in closer to me in order to pay, I got a huge whiff of what could only be marijuana. These little old ladies were TOTALLY HIGH! Now I've seen everything...

The Top 5 Things That Annoy Your Coffee Barista

1. Ordering a Mocha Frappucino, the LARGE SIZE, with EXTRA mocha syrup, and EXTRA Whipped Cream, and then saying that you want the LIGHT kind because you're watching your weight. That's like ordering a Big Mac with super sized french fries and a DIET COKE. What the hell is the point?

2. Saying things like "Wish I could have a no-brainer job like yours" or "If only my job were this easy." Try walking a day in my shoes before you make comments like that, asshole. I don't see you getting up at 4am and having to work on your feet all day schlepping coffee for schmucks like you, all while providing service with a smile. It's a lot tougher than it looks, trust me.

3. Not saying PLEASE or THANK YOU and just barking out your order in a no-nonsense sort of way without a hint of human kindness. I understand that you're in a hurry, but just remember, I'm a person, too.

4. Waving your money at me when while I'm writing up your order and ringing it into the register, as if to say "Hurry up." We can only go so fast, especially you order things like a venti latte with 2 pumps of sugar free vanilla, 1 pump of sugar free hazel nut, and half a pump of peppermint with half nonfat milk and half soy steamed together to 180 degrees with extra foam made from whole milk, and two extra shots of espresso, double cupped and stirred.

And last but not least, the MOST annoying thing is...

5. Talking on your cell phone while ordering a beverage... and the annoyance factor triples when there are people waiting in line behind you. The other day, when the store was extremely busy, this one lady finally gets to the register and then just stands there, continuing to talk on her cell phone and ignore me. Since it was obvious that the other people in line were in a hurry, I tried to signal to her that she needed to give me her order, but she just glared at me and continued to talk. Then when she finally hung up after several minutes, she actually said to me, "My phone calls are VERY important." Oops, sorry Lady, I didn't realize that the whole world revolved around YOU. Please, people, when you get to the register, be considerate of others and HANG UP YOUR DAMN PHONE.

Can you tell I had a great day at work?

Just a Regular Night on the Mother Ship

So I'm working last night at the Mother of All Coffee Houses and this lady comes in. She seems nice enough as she says, "I'd like to order a cappuccino." A cappuccino? Sure, no problem. So I grab a hot cup to write the order on and she says, "Oh no, I want an iced one." An ICED cappuccino? (For those of you who are coffee illiterate, a cappuccino is shots of espresso, half steamed milk and half HOT FOAM. Foam can't be made with cold milk). I try to explain that we can't make an iced cappuccino, how about an iced latte instead? It's similiar but doesn't require any foam. But oh no, she keeps insisting, "No - I want an ICED CAPPUCCINO!" I'm trying really hard not to roll my eyes in exasperation as I run down a list of other iced drinks we have for her in hopes that she'll choose something else. But she starts yelling at me going "What's wrong with you people?! I just want an iced cappuccino. It shouldn't be so complicated to order a damn drink!" I'm trying really hard to think of something to say to make this lady calm down when an idea comes to me. "Do you mean an iced Frappuccino?" I ask. "It sounds a lot like cappuccino." She gets quiet for a second and then gives me this very cold look and says, "Yes, a Frappuccino, that's what I've been saying ALL ALONG."

Sighhhhh, I love this job.

Feeling Like Gumby

This past week has been absolutely nuts. Between trying to learn my job at The Mother of All Coffee Houses, preparing for the big move to our new house, and taking care of Rory, sometimes I felt like my mind and body were being pulled in a million different directions. Now that we’ve finally moved and we’re getting somewhat settled into our new home, I’m desperately hoping that I’m able to relax a bit and start enjoying things again.

It certainly hasn’t been helping matters that my job is not going well. My training STILL hasn’t been completed and as frustrating as that is to me, it’s even more frustrating to the poor people who are scheduled to work with me. No one likes to work with the person who can’t pull his or her weight on the job – and I hate knowing that person is me. Yes, I realize that it’s not my fault and I also realize that it’s bound to get better with time, but right now I absolutely dread going to work. And to think that I was expecting it to be a fairly easy job, one that I would look forward to because it would mean a small break from being a mommy during the week and a little bit of socializing. Boy, was I wrong! Never in a million years would I have imagined that working at the Mother of All Coffee Houses would be such a royal pain in the ass!

Today I had to rise at the ungodly hour of 3:15am to get to work by 4am. There was no else on the road as I drove to the Mother of All Coffee Houses, which was kind of creepy, and made me feel like I was the last person on Earth. Or the stupidest for getting up so damn early.

The four hour shift really wasn't so bad - it actually went pretty quickly even though I still don't have a clue what I'm doing (unless someone wants a Frappiccino - I'm the bomb at that because it's the only station they have been putting me at for my ENTIRE training.) However, when I went in the back after my shift ended to see if the schedule was finally posted for next week, I was shocked to find that they had scheduled me for FORTY HOURS. Say what? I'm only supposed to work 24 hours max! I was quite sure I had made that extremely clear during all of my interviews and during my orientation. So I went and told my boss that he had made an error, and that I was scheduled for twice the number of hours I was supposed to have. His response? "Well, that's too bad. You're going to have to find someone to cover the shifts that you don't want." Excuse me?! That's his mistake, not mine! He must have seen the steam coming out of my ears, because he quickly said, "I suppose I can help you just this once, but in the future, it will be your responsibilty. And I can't guarantee that I can find people to cover the extra shifts, so you may have to work more than you want to next week." I figured that was the best I was going to get out of him, so I swallowed my bubbling anger and said thank you.

Then, as I was driving home, I realized that he had also scheduled me to work an 8 hour shift ON THE DAY WE'RE SUPPOSED TO MOVE. I guess the fact that I had told him that day was off limits from the very beginning (and reminded him several times since then) means NOTHING.

This just keeps getting better and better...

Caffiene Headache

Another fabulous day of training at the Mother of All Coffee Houses. I showed up for my shift this morning only to find that the manager I had been working with was off for the day - and this new manager had no idea I was coming in for training. Not a good start. I told her that I was supposed to do some sort of training module on a computer to learn how to use the cash register and all I got was a blank look. "I'm not sure what you're talking about," she told me, "but you're welcome to go ahead and fiddle with the computer in the back." FIDDLE WITH THE COMPUTER? Okay...

Luckily, I'm pretty computer savy and I was able to figure out how to start the training module on my own. However, it included an audio portion and I couldn't hear because it was too loud in the back office. The volume on the computer was up as loud as it would go and when I inquired about headphones, I was told "We used to have them somewhere..." Could these people be any more helpful? So I ended up having to lean over and put my ear directly up against the computer speaker - FOR THREE FREAKIN' HOURS.

After I finished learning about how to use the register, the manager told me to go and try out my new skills by taking some orders. I was feeling pretty confident that I had gotten the hang of things during the computer training, until I saw the register screen. Hmm, that's strange, I thought, it looks, COMPLETELY DIFFERENT than the one I had just learned on. When I mentioned this to the manager, she said, "Oh, that must of been an outdated training module. We've recently changed the system." Soyou mean to tell me that I just spent THREE WHOLE HOURS of my time learning the wrong thing? Wow, it doesn't get much better than this.

Have I mentioned how much I'm loving this?

My First Day Aboard the Mothership

As I've mentioned before, I recently took a job at the Mothership of all Coffee Houses, Starbucks. Well, yesterday I had my first real day of work and let me tell you, being a barista is not as easy as it looks! Of course, I just had to go and work at one of the busiest Starbucks in the area - there is practically a line out the door at any given moment - so you have to really know what you're doing and be able to do it fast. And after being home with a baby for the past three and a half months, I'm afraid that my brain is no longer capable of working quickly. I found this out the hard way when they threw me into the Frappiccino blending station and basically gave me a trial by fire. Let me tell ya, it wasn't pretty.

I'm sure that once I have the drink recipies down and I can do my job on autopilot, things will be a piece of cake. After all, it's not rocket science - it's just making coffee, right? How hard can that possibly be? But right now, I'm dreading going to work and feeling like a complete idiot again. I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm doing this for my family. And who can resist these two?

Bring On the Stress

After having Rory, I was certain that nothing could possible be more nerve-wracking in life than having a baby. I was wrong…

During the last several weeks, we have been in the process of buying our very first house. It’s a beautiful home with 3 bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms in a gated community chock full of young families with children. It’s absolutely perfect for our little family, but as those of you who live in California know, perfect comes with a pretty high price tag. Where else would you end up paying OVER HALF A MILLION DOLLARS for a simple starter home? Aside from being a parent, it’s the most responsibility either one of us has ever taken on and it’s absolutely terrifying. We just keep telling ourselves that everyone probably feels this way when they buy their first house, right?

And as if having a baby and buying/moving into our first house isn't stressful enough, I've decided to add one more thing to the mix - a new job. I resigned from the job I had as a meeting planner at J.D. Power before my maternity leave was over because Hoby and I decided that we didn't want me to be working 40 hours a week with a 45 minute commute each way. It was just too much time away from Rory each day. Why have a baby if you're just going to put him in child care all day long if you don't have to? But unfortunately, since the health benefits were through my job, I had to find a way to get health insurance while only working part-time.

So you are now looking at the newest employee at Starbucks - the Mothership of Coffee Houses and one of the very few companies who will give you full benefits for your whole family working only 20 hours a week. Not exactly where I pictured myself ending up, but you've gotta do what you've gotta do, right? And Starbucks always seems like it has a hip, fun atmosphere, and after being home with a baby for three months straight, that definitely has a certain appeal. I just wish I didn't have to start two weeks before we move - but since we need the benefits to kick in as soon as possible, we just couldn't wait.

At least I'll be getting free coffee, right? 'Cause I'm sure gonna need it!

Long, Long Days

I am having a major problem. I keep running out of things to do at work when there are still HOURS left in the day. Yes, I’ve been a good little worker bee and I’ve consistently asked my boss for more work, but she never seems to have anything extra for me to do. (I think she has insecurity issues and has a problem letting other people do things for her. If she wants to work twice as hard while I have nothing to do, well, that’s her choice, I guess!). I’ve tried to find things to keep myself busy – re-filing my papers, cleaning my desk, disinfecting my workstation, catching up on the news online, taking walks around the building – but you can only do these things so much before you start to go a little bit stir crazy.  And considering that my work has Web Sense so I can’t surf the internet, I quite literally have NOTHING TO DO for HOURS AT A TIME.  Do you know how long the days last when you’re staring at the clock? It’s pure TORTURE.  Right now it’s only 1pm on a Friday afternoon and I have four more hours stretching out in front of me until I can officially go home. FOUR LONG HOURS. 

 

HELP!!!!!

 

Ain't Technology Great?!

My work has this horrible little thing called Web Sense on all of our computers that blocks almost every interesting website on earth.  Not only can I not check my AOL email or cruise the internet during my work day (how dare they take away my right to procrastinate and be totally unproductive!), but I also have been unable to update my blog from work. It's really been quite detrimental to keeping up an active social life while on the job. Tsk, tsk. However, I recently have found a new way to outsmart the evil Web Sense! Yea me! I have just figured out how to update my blog via email, which Web Sense is thankfully unable to sensor (for right now, at least). So now I can subject you to my ramblings on a more regular basis. Lucky you!

Welcome to Your New Job

The first few weeks at a new job are never easy. You’re trying to learn your way around, remember everyone’s names, get a feel for the office culture and figure out exactly what’s expected of you all at the same time. Add being pregnant on top of that and you’ve got one exhausted person on your hands.

I also have the pleasure of having a new boss that is somewhat of a disorganized mess and I’m quickly learning that if I want to get trained in how to do things, I’m going to have to figure them out myself. I figure it’s because she’s been doing her job for 14 years now and she forgets that I don’t just know things the way she does, which is understandable, but it can definitely cause problems. Take for example this recent conversation:

Boss: Stacy, can you put this away in that black box in the U.C.?
Me: Uh, sure… what’s the U.C.?
Boss: You know, that place we were in yesterday.
Me: Which place? One of the meeting rooms?
Boss: No, the place with the black box.
Me: What black box? I don’t think you’ve shown me that yet.
Boss: Well, you can’t miss it when you get to the U.C. Gotta run to a meeting. See you in a few hours!

Okay, not the most productive conversation of my life, to be sure. What the heck was she talking about? It took me an hour of discreetly asking around to figure out that the U.C. is actually the cafeteria, but because it only has vending machines, some people call it the “Useless Café” or U.C. Once I got there and found the mysterious black box, I realized that I needed a key to get into the darn thing, which my Boss of course had forgotten to give me. Why do I have this feeling this is something I should get used to?

But wait, it only gets better….

Today, when my boss couldn’t get an LCD projector to work correctly during a meeting, she burst into tears and ran to her office while yelling obscenities (yes - OBSCENTIES!) down the hallway, and then began hyperventilating. Very professional, don’t you think? To be honest, I was afraid to ask anyone if this happens often. I’m not sure I really want to know.

Sighhhhh, new jobs are SO much fun.