Saturday, July 08, 2006
The Discipline Survey
Hello from a frustrated Mama. Rory is what you might call a very "spirited child" and we're having a bit of trouble figuring out how to discipline him. He thinks the word NO is funny and loves to return over and over again to the things we try to keep him away from. So I thought I'd take a survey and see what methods other people are using. I'm VERY open to advice, so feel free to leave any suggestions/ideas you might have in the comments. Any help is appreciated!
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4 comments:
Ok, the survery isn't fair. For our family, spanking isn't the only form of discipline. It's for severe punishment. I think a lot of times we get frustrated with what is consider normal before for our young children. It's more about being consistent and setting boundaries then always trying to find a way to punish or discipline. I want my children to understand what it is that I expect from them. Meaning...if they throw their food every night at dinner and then on friday I decided I'm going to punish them for it...to me it's no fair. Instead I take the approach of, set the boundary of you can't throw food the first time, and continue to correct the action. If they then do it defiance, then their should be a punishment. But spanking we reserve for extreme bahavior. We started with time-outs for Savannah and slapping her hand. I read a book by Dobson...Dare to Discipline really "churchy" but really helped me in my approach and the understanding that children need to be able to anticipate my reaction...not just my flying off the handle.
But remember too, it's a phase. It's not the terrible two's...your son is becoming he's own person and exploring and testing....just be consistent....just remembering to say "no" each time and not letting it go even when we are on the phone....really starts to help.
everything allison said, 100%. i'd also add that we use spankings for three things mostly: backtalk, physically dangerous activity (like getting into cleaning products or stepping into the street without holding a hand), and defiance of a previously issued punishment.
we've found a lot of value in giving a punishment immediately. no negotiation, no putting it off. this is more for when he's older, but if we're in public, we explain that she's earned a swat (or whatever), that she'll be receiving it as soon as we get to the car (or wherever), and that she'll earn more than one swat if she doesn't knock it off.
another thing: i'm a fan of "there's a time and a place for everything." johanna will sometimes do things that are annoying or inappropriate like singing high pitched songs with no words or touching herself. she needs to go to her room to do those things. period. they're not okay outside of her room (or the bathroom).
martha: what if they are misbehaving because they want to leave the store/resturant? By leaving you are giving the child what he/she wants and not making the point that the behavior is wrong and thereby being punished by leaving. (we occassionally run into this with Joey)
Stacy: like everyone has said...CONSISTENCY
Quinn has just in the past few days stopped laughing at me when I yell NO about outlets/plugs and actually stopping. Also yesterday he was about to run out into a parking lot at our old apt. complex; I yelled "Quinn! NO!" He stopped short and turned around and waited for me to come get him. I was amazed. Your response and tone are important to be consistent with too, and you and Hoby need to be on the same page. I see a difference when Nathan and I have different expectations vs when we have talked abot the behavior and are both requiring the same thing.
I'm with Martha....everytime I would go to target levi would "flip out"...the next time it happened I gave my speech of how I expect him to behave and what will happen if he doesn't. Well half way through he started throwing fits, I gave him one warning....didn't stop...I picked savannah up, grabbed his arm and literally had to drag him out of the store to the car. He refused to calm down in the car so we drove him. I was pissed, I left my cart which was full of everything I needed...but the next time I went he kept saying, "I'll be a good boy" and behaves pretty well most times now. He knows now I mean business.
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