Resurfacing

It has been SO LONG.

My life fell apart in 2009. Watching my dad die of pancreatic cancer that year - slowly and painfully - shattered me in a way that I've never completely recovered from. Our family lost it's anchor, and each one of us became lost at sea...for a year, for several years, and some of us still haven't found our way back to the shore.

It's been four years now.  I've tried to put the pieces back together, but they don't fit like they used to. People say that the pain of losing someone goes away in time, but I disagree. It doesn't EVER go away - it just spreads out. Instead of feeling that empty space in your heart trying to swallow you whole every day, it starts to only show up every other day, then once a week, then only now and then. But it still HURTS. That person is STILL gone. And it still SUCKS.

I haven't been able to write since he died. I don't know why - but the words just wouldn't come. I used  to think I wanted to write a book someday - but that dream somehow died with my dad. I had hoped when my second son, Cooper, was born in 2010, I would be able to restart this blog for him... But each time I sat at the computer, my thoughts froze. (I'm sorry, Coop, that I wasn't able to record your first four years like I did for your brother.)

But now, somehow, here I am again.

Hello again, World. I think I'm back.