You Go, Grandpa!

If you were to look up "Jewish Grandpa" in the dictionary, there would no doubt be a picture of my Grandpa Greene in there. Imagine a bald, barrel-chested old man in a wife beater with plaid pants from the 60's pulled up practically to his chin, then top it off with a hairy chest and gold chains around the neck. No that's not an exaggeration, that's my Gramps in all his glory!

He's actually a pretty amazing guy for his age. Although he's in his 90's, he still does 75 push ups and heads out on a long walk every day. He's very independent - as a matter of fact, he's on a cruise to the Hawaiin islands right now ALL BY HIMSELF. I'm actually a bit worried about him considering the fact that he can't hear very well (actually, to be frank, he's almost completely deaf) so I'm wondering if he's able to communicate with anyone onboard the ship. Not only is he deaf, but he's also got a really short temper - I'm sure that someone on that ship is going to feel the wrath of Grandpa at some point during the trip. Probably some poor waiter who doesn't bring his food fast enough. Gramps can get violent if he doesn't get his food. He may be in his 90's, but he's been known to shove people out of his way in buffet lines because they were taking too long. I kid you not.

My Grandpa knows that he can't hear, but sometimes I think that he likes to pretend that he does. Once when I was flying into Florida (the Jewish Grandparent Mecca of the World), my flight got delayed, so I tried calling my grandparents on a pay phone to tell them that I'd be late. But instead of my Grandma answering (which would make sense since she COULD hear), my Grandpa answers the phone. I yell "Hello!" and I hear him say "Hello? Hello?" Then he says "I don't hear anybody there." and he hangs up! Well, of course you can't hear anybody there, Grandpa, because you're deaf! So I call back and AGAIN my Grandpa answers, so I'm standing in the middle of this crowded airport yelling into a pay phone at the top of my lungs, "GRANDPA - PUT GRANDMA ON THE PHONE!". He STILL can't hear me and as he's hanging up on me I hear him yelling "Damn kids playin' tricks on me!" Ugh. Needless to say, they were very worried when I showed up several hours later than expected and my Grandpa was upset that I hadn't called to tell him about my plane being delayed. Sighhhh...I didn't have the heart to explain it to him.

Anyways, here's to you, Gramps! Enjoy cruisin' the Hawaiin islands. May your plate be filled in a timely manner and your temper be on vacation!